Ninjalistics company news

Ninjalistics is all about giving. Conveying an unmistakable message to your competitors -- presenting a final resolution a trouble with organizers, do-gooders, or investigative officials -- delivering a strong signal, a dramatic inflection point in a delicate negotiation, and occasionally an air embolism.

But Ninjalistics is also about giving back to the community. These stories, now posted each Monday, show our commitment to public outreach and favorable media relations.

Infowar means casualties
Week 033 (June 8-12, 2009)
Monday, 08 June 2009 00:00

Ninjalistics will soon help you destroy undesirable customers

battlefieldAt a late May, 2009 meeting in Washington, DC, the titans of the US$7.5 billion food packaging industry, who bestride the bottle, tray-, and can-strewn North American landscape like a colossus of aluminum and styrofoam, met to discuss a grave danger. Many public studies have showed the popular chemical bisphenol A (BPA) causes cancer, miscarriage, insulin resistance, obesity, and changes in brain structure. These industry magnates, who use BPA in hundreds of containers from soda-pop cans to baby bottles, aggregated their high intelligence to face the obvious problem: how to get consumers, in the face of these dangers, to keep buying BPA anyway?

Susanne Rust and Meg Kissinger, snooping around for the May 29, 2009 Milwaukee Journal Sentinel story "BPA industry seeks to polish image," summarized the minutes of the confidential five-hour meeting:

A pregnant woman would be "the holy grail" to serve as a spokeswoman, the memo says. Attendees said they doubted they could find a scientist to serve as a spokesman for BPA. When asked why it would be hard to find a scientist to tout the chemical's benefits, [chairman of the North American Metal Packaging Alliance John] Rost told the Journal Sentinel that any studies paid for by chemical makers are discounted by the media. "The minute industry pays for a meal or an airline ticket, that scientist is tainted as working for industry," Rost said. "They put their reputations at risk."
A great industry is being blindsided by Big Scientific Consensus, an adversary all too familiar to innocent asbestos manufacturers, thalidomide makers, and multinational climate denialists just trying to make their quarterly numbers. Though the US Food and Drug Administration has declared BPA safe, citing two studies paid for by chemical makers, the public continues to ignore the industry's clear message, confused by irrelevancies like 38 independent scientists warning of danger from polycarbonate bottles.
Other strategies discussed at the meeting included focusing on how BPA bans would disproportionately put minorities at risk, particularly Hispanics and African-Americans who are more inclined to be poor and dependent on canned foods. Committee members said they would try to get stories in the media that spread the message that canned goods made without BPA would be more likely to become contaminated. BPA serves to seal food in cans, helping to keep out bacteria. The group agreed to pay $500,000 to survey the American public about BPA safety.
The sense of helplessness here stirs the heart. These impotent figures -- The Coca-Cola Company, Alcoa, the Grocery Manufacturers Association, Del Monte Corp. and the American Chemistry Council lobby, among many other underdogs -- are learning a hard lesson: Corporate public relations is war! It's infowar against the whistleblowers, journalists, and general naysayers who try to reveal to your lawful customers reasons why they shouldn't buy your products. Experts agree, anyone who interferes with your selling anything to anybody is your mortal enemy, who must be contained, subverted, neutralized, and preferably removed.

In our Googly age, routine propaganda solutions like the industry-funded Bisphenol-A.org can no longer keep the message from getting out. Any passing civilian can simply search for "bisphenol a" health problems and bypass approved channels.

Yet in this nightmare time for an embattled multi-billion-dollar industry, Ninjalistics offers hope. Soon we will announce a new public relations program involving enhanced media-influencer procurement, relocation, and persuasion. Corporate customers will learn that Ninjalistics is not just about assassination and espionage. In service to your business needs, we also infiltrate, misinform, distort, extort, compel, and abduct.

Your success deserves no less!