Ninjalistics company news

Ninjalistics is all about giving. Conveying an unmistakable message to your competitors -- presenting a final resolution a trouble with organizers, do-gooders, or investigative officials -- delivering a strong signal, a dramatic inflection point in a delicate negotiation, and occasionally an air embolism.

But Ninjalistics is also about giving back to the community. These stories, now posted each Monday, show our commitment to public outreach and favorable media relations.

Week 032 in review - Arm & Leg, kalaripayat, client victory
Week 032 (June 1-5, 2009)
Saturday, 06 June 2009 00:00

When mists of rain fall gently as cherry blossoms, then does the enlightened warrior truly desire the Samurai Sword Handle Umbrella from ThinkGeek. With nylon scabbard and adjustable shoulder strap, this 41-inch umbrella presents a forbidding impression, at least if your adversary believes samurai swords have plastic handles and pushbuttons. ($30) ThinkGeek has a whole Japan Fan category, featuring items like Origami Sticky Notes, a Japanese Chopsticks Practice Game, and a Wee Ninja plush toy, perfect for concealing a knife, grenade, poison dart, or trained attack hamster.

This past week (June 1-5, 2009), Ninjalistics, your top-quality provider of corporate assassination and espionage services, offered a full slate of new or artfully recycled content:

  • Monday: The Ninja News story this week, Arm & Leg Collections helps payday loan companies encourage debtors, announced our new program to help America's needy payday loan industry, which has heroically built a $40 billion enterprise by cleverly charging low-income workers four-digit interest rates on short-term loans. This fine financial institution has suffered fussy legal restrictions not applicable to its chief competitors, Mafia loan sharks. But now Ninjalistics levels the playing field with its convenient and sanitary debtor-limb-amputation program. Check it out!
  • Wednesday: In their weekly webcomic, The Ninja Agenda, Team 19 explored the obscure reaches of their resumes in response to an executive inquiry. Why would the bosses care wehther they know kalaripayat?
  • Free Form Friday: Our latest free award certificate celebrates an honorable Victory Over Clients. Obviously it is exceedingly rare for a conscientious worker to deal with customers who are annoying, irrational, or -- preposterous! -- clinically insane. But should this unusual event befall, yet leave you unbowed, print out this certificate and give yourself an award!
    (You can view this form, and all our forms, at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.)
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