Ninjalistics company documents

For the benefit of Ninjalistics assassins, spies, provocateurs, and disruptive agents both current and prospective, we present this collection of FREE forms, certificates, company stationery, and our Human Resources department's most current edition of the New Ninja Orientation Handbook. New documents are added (or existing ones highlighted) each Friday.

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All of these documents (with the exception of the desktop wallpapers, which use photos we don't control) are made freely available for distribution, reuse, adaptation, expansion, and mash-up under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 license. You are free to copy, distribute, transmit, adapt, and mash these works for noncommercial purposes, as long as you credit Ninjalistics.com and link back to this website. If you alter, transform, build upon, or interestingly mash this work, you may distribute the resulting work only under the same or similar license. The license is available at the Creative Commons website.

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Protection from Ninjas votive candle label
Friday, 15 May 2009 00:00

Protection from Ninjas votive candle labelIt's Free Form Friday, so we present a non-denominationally reassuring "Protection from Ninja Assassins votive candle label" (.PDF link). Though votive or prayer candles have long been associated with various religious faiths (see, for instance, this history of votive candles in Catholicism by Father William Saunders), this Ninjagraphic label offers an entirely secular prayer:

I fervently seek help, guidance, and state-of-the-art alarm systems to secure my person, residence, office, immediate family, friends, pets, and houseplants from ninja assailants. Help me to notice disguised followers, recognize subtle deathtraps, and beware of caltrop-strewn paths. Teach me ninja avoidance techniques -- or, if it proves impossible to escape a ninja, teach me effective ways to grovel. Grant me the strength to resist smoke bombs, sleeping powders, and Thrice-Distilled Paralyzing Platypus Venom. And if I prove worthy, give me friends, co-workers, and next of kin who are willing to pay ransom when my ninja kidnappers get me anyway.
Just print out this .PDF, cut out the front and back labels, and fasten them to a devotional candle. When you are apprehensive of ninja assault, follow the directions on the back label. No doubt all will soon be well.

shuriken bullet Protection from Ninja Assassins devotion candle label

If you liked this label, you might also enjoy our Junior Apprentice Associate Ninja certificate.

A tip of the ninja cowl to the fine folks at Everyday Icons (Asotin, Washington), who sell votive candles for over 80 pertinent modern circumstances, such as Protection from Telemarketers and the Politically Correct, devotions to Our Lady of Online Auctions and the Dysfunctional Family Vacation, and prayers about Alien Abduction (for or against).

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