Ninjalistics company documents

It's Free Form Friday, so we present a new Ninjagraphic, the "Official Vow of Vengeance" (.PDF link). For the manager or employee driven to extreme reprisal, this colorful (well, mostly red) notification sends a strong and heartfelt message: "On grounds of honor, justice, and decency, for sound reasons enumerated in attached complaint(s) or too numerous to count, I, [blank], declare myself adversary, obstacle, nuisance, and nemesis to this/these person(s), groups, or department(s): [blanks] I recommend the listed party(ies) straighten up, lest I be forced to unpleasantly exert myself."

Official Vow of Vengeance

We add a new form or certificate each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.

It's Free Form Friday, so we present a new Ninjagraphic "Deep Trigger Specification form" (.PDF link). After you've subjected an unwitting employee to subconscious “Manchurian Candidate” conditioning, new labor laws require you to inform the hapless victim of the visual cue, or “trigger,” that activates his or her implanted post-hypnotic response. This colorful (well, mostly red) mini-poster indicates your chosen visual stimulus (cat, hairdresser, wombat, Steve Jobs, etc.) and the likely severity of consequences when the hypnotized employee responds.

Deep Trigger Specification form

If you like this mini-poster, you might also also enjoy our popular Corporate ninja businesswear dress code poster, which has now been viewed over 2,000 times at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.

We add a new form or certificate each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at Scribd.com.

It's Free Form Friday, so we present a new Ninjagraphic "Ninja Hygiene Poster" (.PDF link). Though ninjas scorn swine flu, they do think a lot about bloodborne diseases. This colorful (well, mostly red) legal-size mini-poster offers helpful advice about rubber-glove assassinations, latex vs. sharkskin, and the importance of washing electronic devices in warm water. Remember GNAT: Good Ninja Always Tidy!

Ninja Hygiene Poster

If you like this mini-poster, you'll also enjoy our popular Ninja Safety Poster, which has now been viewed over 5,000 times at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.

We add a new form or certificate each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at Scribd.com.

It's Free Form Friday, so we present a non-denominationally reassuring "Protection from Ninja Assassins votive candle label" (.PDF link). Though votive or prayer candles have long been associated with various religious faiths (see, for instance, this history of votive candles in Catholicism by Father William Saunders), this Ninjagraphic label offers an entirely secular prayer:

I fervently seek help, guidance, and state-of-the-art alarm systems to secure my person, residence, office, immediate family, friends, pets, and houseplants from ninja assailants. Help me to notice disguised followers, recognize subtle deathtraps, and beware of caltrop-strewn paths. Teach me ninja avoidance techniques -- or, if it proves impossible to escape a ninja, teach me effective ways to grovel. Grant me the strength to resist smoke bombs, sleeping powders, and Thrice-Distilled Paralyzing Platypus Venom. And if I prove worthy, give me friends, co-workers, and next of kin who are willing to pay ransom when my ninja kidnappers get me anyway.

Protection from Ninja Assassins devotion candle label

If you liked this label, you might also enjoy our Junior Apprentice Associate Ninja certificate.

A tip of the ninja cowl to the fine folks at Everyday Icons (Asotin, Washington), who sell votive candles for over 80 pertinent modern circumstances, such as Protection from Telemarketers and the Politically Correct, devotions to Our Lady of Online Auctions and the Dysfunctional Family Vacation, and prayers about Alien Abduction (for or against).

We add a new form or certificate each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.

It's Free Form Friday -- or, well, it's within an acceptable interval after said Friday, as determined by Operations -- so we present a colorful Ninjagraphic mini-poster, "Corporate Ninja's Guide to Infiltration" (.PDF link). Keep this graphical reminder close at hand as you steal silently through the supply corridors, air ducts, sewers, and other permeable passages of your next target's stronghold.

Corporate Ninja's Guide to Infiltration mini-poster

We add a new form or certificate each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.

It's Free Form Friday, so we present another of our colorful Ninjagraphics, the Corporate Ninja's Guide to Manhattan (.PDF link). This colorful Ninjagraphic mini-poster features a satellite map of central New York city with icons and callouts identifying locations helpful to the spy, assassin, saboteur, or seductor/ress sprinkling poison on the Big Apple.

Corporate Ninja's Guide to Manhattan mini-poster

We add a new form or certificate each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.

It's Free Form Friday -- well, it's only a little past Free Form Friday -- so we present a new Ninjagraphics "Manager Fu mini-poster" (.PDF link). A middle manager beset by stressful reports can find peace by silently mouthing this prayer in a private office while facing in the direction of senior executive offices:

Incoming force of whining grievances (O Schedule!) and shrill back-bit complaint (O Team!) / I shunt with mantis grace and footwork cat-precise to underlings of impotent resource and overlords in offices remote / And through my skill in Crane and Snake and Project Management / I foil the blow. / I slice the middle from each process and, in my swivel chair, roll it away to darkness. / In time, at quarterly review, I roll it softly forward to the light and display it for my boss. / Together we savor it, and in that flush of strength my resume grows long, my bonus great.

Manager Fu mini-poster

We add a new form, certificate, or poster each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.

It's Free Form Friday, so we present another of our colorful Ninjagraphics, the Ninja Cubicle mini-poster (.PDF link). This colorful mini-poster warns, "Caution! You are entering my Ninja Cubicle!" and highlights the many deathtraps contained in your computer, monitor, phone, and other seemingly harmless doodads. Help keep your co-workers alive a little longer!

Ninja Cubicle mini-poster

We add a new form or certificate each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.

It's Free Form Friday, so we present the Ninjalistics in-house flyer describing the corporate ninja casual wear dress code (.PDF link). This color flyer, suitable for posting wherever ninjas like to chill out, hang loose, or otherwise grow debauched, is a follow-up to last week's Corporate ninja businesswear dress code flyer.

Corporate ninja casual wear dress code

We add a new form or certificate each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.

It's Free Form Friday, so we present the Ninjalistics in-house flyer describing the corporate ninja businesswear dress code (.PDF link). Post this color flyer in your breakroom and have Human Resources regularly inspect every frontline operative for compliance. (It helps to equip HR inspectors with good defenses beforehand.) Stay tuned for a companion casual wear code!

Corporate ninja businesswear dress code

We add a new form or certificate each Friday, so check back often -- or subscribe to our handy RSS feed.

You can view this form, and all our forms, online at the free document-sharing site Scribd.com.