A luncheon meeting between departments discussing best practices for ingestive poisons was a big success, with all parties heading back to their cubicles feeling more positive about poison use.

“I was impressed with New Zealand grass scorpion venom,” said Paula Zich from the Security division. “I always thought it would have a noticeable taste, but I never tasted it in my potato salad. Now if you’ll excuse me, I only have a few minutes to find an antidote.”

Attendees were also introduced to Diofermicide, an industrial chemical (based on military defoliants) that incapacitates but does not kill the target. Several ninjas took the poison via the sorbet but were unavailable for comment.

Ed Fennem, the manager who organized the luncheon, said this was an opportunity for all ninjas to appreciate the art of ingestive poisons. “Decapitation always sends a clear message, but sometimes it’s the unknown death that generates the most fear and control. I’m glad employees had a chance to better understand the utility of these poisons.

"Also, I only invited workers who didn’t sign my birthday card that went around last month. So the meal doubled as a lesson in workplace etiquette.”