Loss prevention is a cornerstone of cost containment. One of our webmasters sat down with Chief Loss Preventator Rob Steile to discuss how a ninja services company deals with this problem.

Q: What unique problems do you face working in a building filled with ninjas?

STEILE: Plenty! Ninjas are trained in concealment and subtle movement, so it's real easy for a ninja to steal pens, toner, empty three-ring binders, half-eaten birthday cake slices... all the stuff that people love to steal from their place of business.

Q: Is loss prevention the same as stopping employee theft?

STEILE: Yes and no. All theft is a loss, but all prevention is not theft. I prefer to call prevention “anti-theft,” because it implies, however indirectly, you are not going to steal or at least try to stop someone else from stealing.

Q: That doesn’t make any sense, does it?

STEILE: Let me give you an example. Sticky notes are the most commonly acquired target of employee theft. To prevent this, we sneak into the building at night, carefully avoiding security through our incredible ninjutsu skills, and take all the sticky notes. That way, no one can steal them.

Q: So … you steal things so no one else can steal them?

STEILE: Absolutely not! That would be stupid! We just remove objects a thief would want to take before they are taken. That’s called prevention.

Q: Does that explain why I can’t find my stapler, several USB drives, or my lunch?

STEILE: Let's talk about how much our Loss and Loss-Like Preventative Operations Program has saved the company. Did you know requests for office supplies have dropped 28% since we initiated this program?

Q: Seriously, where's my lunch? Have you Preventated someone from stealing it?

STEILE: This is an example of the educational outreach the LALLPOP operatives still need to perform within the company. Here, I'll show you how we do it. This particular outreach is called the Grip of the Hungry Hippopotamus. I like it because it reminds me of Hungry Hungry Hippos, which is a fun game, and because it paralyzes the target's respiratory system, which is also a fun game.

Q: Thank you for your time, Rob Steile! It was a pleasure! More power to you and your LALLPOPs! I mean it! No, really, I do! You can let go now.